What a wonder a relationship can be
By Steve Goodall
Image: Dog and Human forming a Heart symbol
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." Henry David Thoreau
I’m sure that you’ll all agree, a successful relationship with our dogs requires growth and learning to flourish. This process can take time, patience and a good old dose of understanding. Whether we’ve just got a puppy, welcomed a rescue dog into our home or, perhaps, you’re working with dogs as a trainer, they will constantly be learning about us and, in turn, we are constantly learning about them. The beauty is this journey can be incredible. I’ll tread carefully here as I do believe we can be prone to romanticising our relationships with dogs. There can be a darker side, there can also be relationship breakdowns and I don’t want to alienate anyone reading this. Many of us have been there and, trust me, I know how this feels. For me our relationships should be simple… At their best, our dogs make us happy… At our best, we should strive make them happy too.
Image: Dog and Human cuddle
Peaches (my Newfy) absolutely adores a head massage. I've seen her on numerous occasions buckle and slump with a meditative look in those deep eyes all due to a well-meaning scalp rub. These moments might seem small to the general observer but, to us, they are everything. These tiny things that you both enjoy serve as the very foundations to our relationship.
Before we even thought about training Recall, loose lead work or "that squirrel issue", we have to work on building a solid foundation of safety, trust and understanding. This is the biggest reason we took our time when we rehomed her. Whether within or between a species, relationships are much the same in what they need to grow and flourish. As the quote above alludes to, which I love, once these foundations are set in stone we can start to concentrate on building up towards the skies.
We should all look at our relationship foundations from time to time. It's never too late to go back, assess and build back up from the bottom. This can, and often will, help with all sorts of "problem" behaviours. Here are a few super simple but super effective things to try to help maintain, build or nurture that bond and have your relationship thrive with your dog.
• Take some time - make an effort to be with them. Really put yourself in the moment with them. Observe what they are doing, slow down and enjoy it. Spending time together will strengthen your relationship.
• Try to learn what they are telling you - Just a little knowledge of how your dog communicates can help your relationship flourish. We have a responsibility to identify the signs that our dogs are stressed are anxious. This will lead to you making better decisions. We have an absolutely free body language course you can sign up for (click the link at the bottom of this email).
• Communication - We all miscommunicate with our own species so it's no wonder we struggle at times with our dogs. Be mindful, clear and consistent. They are constantly observing your every move which means that we should really think about what we doing when we communicate with them. Constant misunderstanding can cause relationships to break down so learn to be as clear as you can.
• Food - If you are anything like me, the way to my heart is through my stomach. By making sure we offer and supply healthy, scrumptious food options that vary in taste and texture we can cement that love for us. Corrin sometimes prepares a picnic for our dogs. She will get all sorts of different foods that our dogs and we can both eat, put them all in different containers and head out into the garden with a blanket. She will then sit there on the blanket with the dogs and open each container letting them sniff and taste each item while she joins in. It's a beautiful thing to see them there sharing this moment and I can see how much our dogs love having a little love put into this.
• Play - "Those who play together stay together". The science is clear on this. The more we play the closer our relationships. Having fun by playing games of chase, tug or find it is a fun way to strengthen bonds and put money in that relationship piggy bank. Find out what your dog loves to do and spend a few times a day having a play. It doesn't have to be for hours, just a couple of short play sessions a day can really make a big difference. Watch for how this can change your mood as well. I bet after just a few reps of doing something your dog loves, you’ll be beaming from ear to ear too.
Image: Dog’s nose with the words “More Please!”
• Don't lose it - This one is tricky right? We all have moments when we lose our cool. We just have to understand that shouting, scolding and punishing our dogs can potentially damage the relationship. They need to learn we have their backs. They need to learn they are safe with us.
• Learn what they like - As I said above Peaches likes a head massage. Now I know this I can use this to strengthen our relationship. It's also worth noting down what our dogs don't like. Peaches enjoys a head rub but doesn't like me reaching out quickly towards her head. I have to take it slow. We want to be, to the best of our ability, the source of everything wonderful in our dogs lives.
• Touch them - The science on this are fascinating. It has been shown that stroking, grooming and simple touching can lower the heart rate in both the dog and the human. It can reduce stress by lower the levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) and even increase our anti stress hormone oxytocin. We now believe that physical contact plays a vital role in enhancing our relationships. As a small caveat not all dogs like to be petted and stroked. This is why we need to make sure we have that understanding of how they communicate. This will help us interpret when they are happy being groomed and petted.
Image: Dog and human on a clifftop overlooking the sea during sunset with a heart over their heads.
Lastly I want to talk (slightly) more philosophically about the wonderful emotional connection we have with dogs. We can so often get caught up in the idea that us human animals are the pinnacle of evolution, that we are in someway “special” in this world. This thinking only serves to drive a wedge between us and the rest of the natural world. I believe an informed and carefully flourishing relationship, with any other species, can help ground us to the reality we are all connected. That connection we feel when a dog stares into our eyes is the “special”, it binds us and grounds us in some way we may never truly understand. That, is DEFINITELY something worth nurturing.